Who can fathom, who can describe. And I did not have anyone to talk with me, one to bring me up, I was always depressed, broken, but this was a great benefit, since I was broken this drew me close to the Lord, blessed-be-He, to the Torah, this was good for me. I yearned, I had yearnings for the Lord, blessed-be-He.

And I was ashamed, I thought that only I had an evil inclination, that only I had lusts and that all the rest were clean, I did not know what there was by other people. So I said: "All the lusts and all the afflictions, everything, I am the worst of all the world, than all of them." I did not know that others also have an evil inclination, but thank God, the Lord, blessed-be-He, made me miracles that I merited to draw close to our Rebbi, and I merited to understand to see and to feel, that this is Judaism, that this is the Torah!

But I did not have someone to guide me, I did not have our Rebbi, I did not know of our Rebbi, afterwards, when I merited to draw close – then did I know, did I know then what I know now? But all knowledge that I merited to feel in truth, I felt: "Ho.. Such truth like this – there is nothing like it!"

For when I was drawn close to our Rebbi I traveled to Jerusalem, and Jerusalem is the city of wise scholars, geniuses, great Tzaddikim, but concerning people of our peace they say as if they are wicked and they are suppressed. But all speech that I heard from people of our peace I felt such truth... I saw and I understood, the Lord, blessed-be-He, gave me wisdom and intelligence to understand. I saw Rabbi Naftali Kohen, he was a great sage and intelligent, and was a builder, he was able to build great buildings and he built a synagogue. I asked him questions what to do with the evil inclination, and he loved to speak with me, he saw my honesty and truth, so he loved me much. But there was between us a great distance, he was already old and was a son of Torah and I was simple. But he spoke with me, he did not like to speak much but there was in his speech wisdom and holiness and he put in me a new spirit – this is the what our Rebbi is about. He shined in me a great light to know what are false faiths and what is our Rebbi.

Until I merited to understand the matter of false faiths, for if I would not understand I would have great suffering in the heart, there would be in my heart a fault, a blemish. Well, what to do? And thank the Lord, the Lord, blessed-be-He helped me that the words I heard from people of our peace in Jerusalem were to me for consolation and salvation, salvation and consolation.

The truth is against the whole world – and it is on the contrary, I said regarding myself: "Who are you, what do you know, what do you understand?" But the truth was – no, the Lord, blessed-be-He, constricts himself to Israel Ber as well. I was happy in my portion that I merited to feel, to see and to understand that this is true, and this is false!

This was when the whole world was sunk in the lie, and I merited to see the opposite from all of them, and it did not affect me that they were many and they were giants in the Torah... the truth is strong, it is such very strong mighty one, that nothing is like it!

I heard every word from people of our Rebbi, Rabbi Natan the second husband of Giteleh, who married her after the passing away of Rabbi Israel Kardoner, his simplicity, his truth, his speech, his face, I saw that all the others were nothing, with their Torah, with everything, compared to Rabbi Natan, who this is a servant of the Lord. And I was in Jerusalem and I received from this one a word, from this one a word, and this entered my heart and I came to Tiberia with new wares, with new melodies and a new Israel Ber, this was not the Israel Ber of before, then all of them knew that Israel Ber was in Jerusalem.

And this was a miracle from the Lord, blessed-be-He, above nature, impossible to understand, I was born by them and I knew that this is fearers of heaven, all of the others had false fame and name that they were fearers of the Lord, but the Lord, blessed-be-He, gave me wisdom and intelligence, and I discerned and knew and saw and understood the truth.

If not for the dispute, if not for the opposition – I would not know of our Rebbi, of nothing. What my eyes saw specifically through the opposition, specifically through dispute I merited to know such tings. I there were no dispute I would not know, through dispute it became known what our Rebbi is, what Breslev is. This made be Breslev – the dispute, the opposers. This spefically, specifically this drew me close, yes.

I want to speak, to tell, but they do not get this, who can speak, who can fathom, describe, just what I saw, in particular what I did not see at all, this was good gifts, our Holy Rebbi said: "I have brought you a gift from the land of Israel – dispute! The whole world shall dispute over me, and then whoever draws close to me – shall be of my people!"

This was such a gift, like nothing in the world. Now give me all the money in the world, I want – no way, the time passed. But also today Mashiach has not come yet, the truth is still not so revealed, but the world is beginning to hear and understand the matter of our Rebbi, Rabbi Nachman.

All the days of my life was fearing and trembling to touch Breslev books, and now they can buy anywhere Breslev books. I had difficulties upon the Lord, blessed-be-He: "If the truth were revealed the world would be already repaired. When shall this be, how is it possible for the Redemption to happen, how is it possible?" And now I see from before eighty years ago and till now, I see such a power that the world are drawing themselves to our Rebbi. It would be fitting that the whole world would flee from Breslev, for all the giants were opposers, but such a wonder has come to be...

Oy, what people of our Rebbi suffered, they endured for these generations, they prepared for Mashiach, people of our Rebbi and books of our Rebbi and every single speech, but this lie obscures eyes, blinds eyes, and they defilingly despise the truth. But already when our Rebbi entered Uman he said to Rabbi Natan: "Even so, the Lord, blessed-be-He, always finishes according to his will!"

Oy oy blessed is the Lord, I was smashed and broken in suppression, but the heart inside would burn like a flaming fire. This was a miracle!

There was in Tiberia some of the Chasidim, and when someone does good deeds something good, charity and kindness, then he is very esteemed in the city and they give him the name of Tzaddik. All the others would make laugh [at Breslev], he would not mock, he was considered "a servant of the Lord" and "a kosher man," so he would not mock. Bust even so, in his heart he would not oppose Breslev. For he could not change the world, only the truth can be against the whole world.

Oy, Master of the Universe...

Once an big ADMOR (Dynastic leader) of a famous Chasidut arrived at the yeshivah "Rabbi Meir Ba`al HaNes," where I was studying. He came and entered a cave and all the Chasidim who were with him, all of them saw how that the Rabbi was in the cave "and who knows what walks there in the cave..." and all of them went out towards him, to His Honor. But I did not go out. Blessed is the Lord, I had holy boldness.

I saw there were elders, giants, masters of Qabbalah, they had fear of Heaven and I went to them. Once I went to Rav Leishqa, he was old, he was greater than them all and he loved me. And I went into his house and he received me in love, but he was opposing Breslev. And this was after I already merited to draw close to Rabbi Israel and received all kinds of disgrace and bloodshed, so Rav Leishqa said to me: "If you feel that this puts in you fear of Heaven and faith and fulfillment of the Torah – do not listen to any Rav nor to any man in the world!"

That’s what he said to me, but quietly, not in front of everyone. This was next to the Kinneret Sea, next to the miqveh (ritual immersion pool), it was just I and he. He did not say to me that I should not reveal that he spoke to me thus, he just did not say this before people, he knew that I would not reveal, what would I gain from this?

Blessed is the Lord, this was for me a great strengthening, because he was from among them, from the side of the opposers. But he had some point of truth, he recognized in me that I seek the truth so he said to me words like these.

This was for me miracles and wonders more than Exodus from Egypt, how I merited to go out from all of them. And I overcame by a force, in a strength, that all of them fell from this. They saw my strength – so they fell!

They were all against me and I endured such humility and disgrace, but this was good gifts, good gifts...

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